he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
