Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Moan for me like Helen Keller
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
