Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
