Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
