OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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