at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
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