New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I'm getting married
To pizza
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
