while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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