Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Let's get the cat blown out
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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