she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
