I think I just saw someone hide a body.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
