I hate all girls vehemently.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Randomize
