before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
