So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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