My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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