I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
