Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
