Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
