You work out of a Hotel?
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
