It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
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