im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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