Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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