I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize
