Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
