I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
