You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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