no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
