the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
