It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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