im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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