sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
