i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
