So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
only if we run a train.
done.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
