I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
