Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
He felt like a one man threesome
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
