The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
