I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
