We're like a lot better than the average bears
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
