The best revenge is premature balding
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
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