i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
