I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
