I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
