I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
