he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
