Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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