she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
