im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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