We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
