There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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