Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
