I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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