please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
