party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
ok first of all what the fuck
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
