watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have feelings that need drinking.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
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