she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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