who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
