Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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