Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize