I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Randomize
