i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
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I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
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this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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