Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
