Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
