I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
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While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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