Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Randomize
