I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
