I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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