That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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