Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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