And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize