How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
