Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
