Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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