alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
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What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
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She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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