she kept yelling 'call me bella'
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
bring money and cleavage
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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