I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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