She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
